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[Mar. 18th, 2006|03:36 pm] |
So today I stopped at Rub-
CHUCK NORRIS
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| The best day ever :) |
[Oct. 18th, 2004|02:56 am] |
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I got pulled over on a suspended license today. I could've been facing hard time. Luckily ( the officer ) only issued me a stiff warning. |
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[May. 2nd, 2004|02:20 am] |
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MMM MMM BITCH! |
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| Chest puffing for great justice. |
[May. 1st, 2004|09:19 pm] |
Jesus Christ. I was enormous in this picture. I think this was in the middle of my creatine/androsten/horse steroids/work out & eat 3384 lbs of food a day phase. At first I thought it was just because I was puffing myself out, but then I realized how big my shoulders are in that picture, compared to present day. To the right is my brother.
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[Apr. 30th, 2004|11:09 pm] |
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FUCIK YOU |
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[Apr. 29th, 2004|06:54 pm] |
I'm getting the ultimate aphrodisiac next week. It's been around for years and all the girls fucking love it. You guys are my friends so I thought I'd share this ancient secret with you.
( Read more... ) |
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[Apr. 28th, 2004|10:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  impressed | ] |
Sometimes I think about becoming a Mormon. They have a lot of good ideas. |
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| HOLY FUCKING SHIT |
[Apr. 28th, 2004|10:38 pm] |
"A 13 year old boy was hit on his bicycle today, sustaining spinal injuries MORE SEVERE THAN CHRISTOPHER REEVES'."
- Some chick on the news |
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[Apr. 28th, 2004|12:04 am] |
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Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me. |
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[Apr. 27th, 2004|11:46 pm] |
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I'm off for 2 days. Let's hang out. |
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[Apr. 26th, 2004|09:50 pm] |
Tomorrow I ride the bus to my job in South Phoenix. Pray for my life.
Seriously. |
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| :( |
[Apr. 26th, 2004|12:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Slowreader - Kill Me God My Entire Life Is Unbearable Agony | ] |
I'll draw you a picture,
I'll draw it with a twist,
I'll draw it with a razorblade,
I'll draw it on my wrist.
And if I draw it correctly,
a red fountain will appear...
to wash away my sorrows,
to chase away my fears. |
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| Stephanie's House |
[Apr. 24th, 2004|11:04 pm] |
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I'm posting in LJ at a party because I'm a huge fag. |
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| Fuck Jesus |
[Apr. 23rd, 2004|11:15 pm] |
I started my new job today and it sucked ass. My boss was a lisping, emasculating cretin. My only satisfaction today was in pointing out the mistakes that my "trainer" made. I got off at 6:00pm, after calling Jamie to pick me up and shit. I waited for an hour and nobody showed up, so I was fortunately rescued by this dude I worked with. By rescued, I mean he had a cellphone, so I could touch base with Jamie. Her car was all fucked up, so Chris/Jen/Sandy were supposed to pick me up.
I waited another 1 & 1/2 hours, and I had to pee. I went over to Circle K, and they didn't have public restrooms, and they wouldn't break large bills so I could get something to snack on/drink. I walked out dejectedly, crossing the brief expanse of street that led to the sidewalk that would take me back to the building I had just worked at. Apparently I delayed some white trash asshole for .84 seconds and his brain exploded. He started talking a bunch of shit, so I glared at him with my most sour face, while continuing my short trek back to Leslie's Pool Supplies. He then parked his truck in front of 3 cars trying to get out of the gas station parking lot and threatened to murder me.
I'm not going to lie, he was a big guy and scared the shit out of me. He worked for FedEx, that much I observed, presumably hefting heavy boxes for the past 20 years of his life like a brain dead ape. Motherfucker had popeye arms and bad breath, which he inflicted on me when my answers weren't suitably submissive. I had a brief fantasy of letting him brutalize me, and then catching his license plate and suing the shit out of him. This was soon overridden by my huge desire to experience pain as infrequently as possible, and I pussed out.
Yeah, maybe I'm a pussy, but Middle Aged Man Strength dwarfs my Ninja Gaiden and Masturbating Strength, that I've spent years cultivating. I spent the next 30 minutes daydreaming about the most painful way to make that asshole suffer, then my rescue squad showed up and I'm fucking drunk now. Luckily I'm a fucking genius and this was grammatically perfect despite my liquid enhancements.
P.S. Fuck you Big Old Guy. I may not be strong, buy my memory lasts a long fucking time. You won't necessarily get your ass handed to you in a fight, but someday I'm going to burn your house down, with your family inside. Then I'll rape your dog.
In the ass. |
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[Apr. 22nd, 2004|02:25 pm] |
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I just want to wish all the whiny pussy vegans a happy Earth Day. I'm going to celebrate by wearing my leather trenchcoat and eating at Outback Steakhouse. |
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[Apr. 22nd, 2004|03:14 am] |
I think I've read the entire internet. |
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[Apr. 21st, 2004|06:14 pm] |
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Weird Al's parents died. Poor Weird Al. |
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[Apr. 21st, 2004|12:46 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | A Static Lullaby in my head | ] |
A star up in the sky
A poem to the dead
Let this mistake
Bring a vivid crystal to her eyes
So DRAIN OUT MY LUNGS
BEFORE THE FLUID BRINGS A CHOKE
I CAN'T INHALE THE SPARKLE OF YOUR VOICE
*duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh* |
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[Apr. 20th, 2004|02:05 pm] |
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So. The other day I picked up a rocking chair, so I could sit my fat ass in front of the computer for 7 hours. I apparently picked it up wrong, and one of my central vertebrae shattered into 83974839473 pieces. Now I can only sleep on the floor, on my back, and standing/sitting/taekwondo is fucking agony. Not having medical insurance rocks. |
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